The Fosters Series Finale Part 2 Recap: Never Sign A Pre-Nuptial Agreement

Every good television show deserves a destination wedding. Just imagine: There are snacks, an open bar, and glamorous dresses. Plus, there's a boatload of new characters that can stroll in and out of the narrative with ease. For The Fosters, the destination wedding is also the destination of the show’s three-part finale. The first part took place at home. The second part goes to Turks and Caicos, where the beach and the sand sort of amp up the drama.

A few reminders from last night's episode:

— Mat and Mariana are broken up, thanks to a case of pediculosis pubis.

— Emma and Jesus are broken up, thanks to a job in Bangalore.
— Cory, the new foster kid, is maybe going to end up with his mother, who is an addict.
— Brandon has been served a pre-nup.
— Eliza just discovered that Brandon and Callie have a romantic history.
— Stef and Lena are thinking of selling the house.
— Callie’s been flirting with Jamie, Eliza’s lawyer brother and, finally…
— Jude has been flirting with Carter, Eliza’s other brother.

These are, considering the show’s more dramatic proclivities, pretty banal issues. This late in the game, The Fosters generates the sense that everything is going to work out. That’s been the show’s mission since day one: No matter how strange the drama gets (adopted siblings in love!) things are going to be cozy anyway. It’s not where you come from…

At this point, actually, the drama is mostly about couples. Surprise! The Fosters finale is just a series of will-they-or-won’t-they conclusions. Plot, in this genre, is just a series of couplings and uncouplings. With that in mind, we’re going to move couple by couple.

Trouble is brewing between this Disney-perfect couple. (The Fosters’ greatest flaw: the people are too porcelain!) First, there’s the matter of the pre-nup. Brandon handed it off to Callie to look over. Callie sent it to Aaron because, I suppose, in the intervening years Aaron became an expert in marital law. While Brandon dilly-dallies with his decision, Eliza gets anxious.

“I don’t even care about the prenup,” she tells Brandon. “I know we’re never getting divorced.” If this were a comedy (or a show with even a tiny bit of humour), we would flash forward to their eventual divorce. At this point, it feels inevitable. Eliza and Brandon are struggling with their class differences: Eliza comes from money, money, and money. And Brandon comes from the Fosters, who have an unspecified amount of money that fluctuates according to the storyline.

This comes to a head when Eliza’s parents present the couple with their own condo in Santa Monica. They have to cover the HOA fees, but, other than that, the apartment is free. Eliza is delighted. Brandon is uncomfortable. (Reminder: Eliza’s parents are also paying for this whole wedding.)

On top of that, Brandon is already at work scoring a short film. He’s working on vacation because it’s going to the Venice Film Festival in two weeks. Eliza’s crabby because he’s working during their wedding. Plus, there’s the money stuff, which isn’t going to go away. Oh, also: Callie. Eliza knows that Brandon had a long will-they-or-won’t-they relationship with his adopted sister.

This show is weird.

Eliza and Brandon end the episode with an argument and a possible breakup. He’s not sure if she’s “the one.” The question hangs in the air: Could Callie be the one?

Are they a couple, really? As far as this finale goes, they are. Jamie is clearly interested in Callie, and Callie is half-heartedly interested in him as well. (Is it weird that she’s falling for her brother/ex-boyfriend’s brother-in-law? Yeah! Maybe!) He insists he’s not just some big corporate lawyer, although his dimples suggest otherwise.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been interested in somebody,” Callie admits. And lo and behold, The Fosters birthed a new relationship right before our eyes. Jamie and Callie do relationship things like ride a bike through the water and walk around the resort! They are both lawyers! How cute.

Most importantly, Jamie tells Callie that Brandon shouldn’t sign the prenup. There are a lot of cooks in this prenup. Jamie claims his father isn’t going to be fair to Brandon, and he’s probably right.

After a long day of beaching and bachelorette parties, Callie almost spends the night with Jamie, but she decides to go visit a dejected Brandon instead. Then, at the end of the episode, she strides with purpose towards a certain anonymous hotel room… which happens to be Jamie's.

Mariana, most importantly, needs a travel buddy for her summer in Europe. This is probably why she drifts back towards Mat, her ex. Mat reveals in this episode that he slept with someone else during a break. There are some technicalities involved: Mariana claims they were in a fight, but Mat says they broke up. My hot take: If you’re in a relationship so volatile that “fights” start to look like “breakups,” maybe it's best on the cutting room floor anyway.

Regardless, someone ended up with an STI, and Mariana is good at making a fuss. She tells the other women at the wedding — two utterly forgettable characters named Jaden and Ashley — that Mat gave her an STI, therefore banning him from sleeping with anyone at the wedding. (She also tells Ashley and Jaden that Jesus is gay.) I respect Mariana as one of the few women in this show with a fully formed personality. She’s cranky, brilliant, and efficient. May we all aspire to be Mariana.

Despite her differences with Mat, Mariana agrees to sing a song Brandon wrote for the rehearsal dinner that night. This is the same song that Callie once sung with Brandon. So, when they sing it, the show provides a montage summary of Callie and Brandon’s relationship. In case you need a recap: They kissed, but they couldn’t be together. They sang, but they couldn’t be together. They later had sex, but they still couldn’t be together.

Mat and Mariana, though. That could work out!

Carter and Jude are flirting up a storm, but Carter is still insistent that he’s straight. Meanwhile, Callie is harassing Jude for his sleeping partners, which is very un-Callie and un-Fosters. She chides him for taking PrEP, even though the CDC does recommend that sexually active gay men take it. She insists that his sexual activity is a symptom of something more insidious. (His grades, which don’t come up in this episode.)

At the bachelor/bachelorette party, Carter gets too drunk, and Jude helps him home. In Carter’s hotel room, they share a sloppy kiss. Carter then begins to cry.

“I’m so messed up,” he tells Jude, weeping into his shirt. The Fosters is an incredibly inclusive Farrow-like family, and their drama has been enough for five seasons. Carter’s little episode reminds us that there are other families with other drama lying in wait for the next big family drama. Jude does the right thing and tucks Carter into bed before leaving.

They’re broken up, remember? Emma is not in Turks and Caicos. Instead, a lonely Emma keeps texting Mariana to say that she misses Jesus. Is this the couple that’s going to make it out of The Fosters finale? Because so far, most of the couples aren’t looking too hot.

They have their own problems, namely that they’re worried about their home. They have to sell it if Lena is going to run for assembly. Plus, there’s the matter of Cory, who shows up in this episode via FaceTime — his mother prevented him from leaving the country. They are slightly worried about Brandon’s new home, considering what happened with their home during one semi-confusing story arc. Otherwise, they’re just Stef and Lena: protective, sweet, and determined to be Good Parents.

— It’s Callie’s very Madewell aesthetic.

— It’s Mariana’s admirable efforts to keep Jesus from dancing with Jaden.

— It’s Beau Mirchoff, who is very charming as corporate lawyer Jamie.

— It’s where you beeeeloooonngg…