Me: Do you like having sex like that?— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2018
Her: Well, I like him a lot.
Me: Yeah, but when the TWO of you have sex TOGETHER do you get pleasure from the sex?
Her: Sometimes. I guess I think of it as something I do for him. Like a thank you, or a compromise.
I asked a few more questions, but it didn't get better. She didn't feel like she should expect mutual pleasure from her sexual encounters. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't expect--nay, DEMAND--mutual pleasure from sex with another person.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2018
I was not (and am not) the most secure person in the world, but I always believed in the fundamental truth that sex was something I was supposed to enjoy too. And I demanded that. Before our conversation, no one had ever told her that was even an option.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2018
It's clear that we need better more definitive language to have nuanced discussions about the spectrum of harm inflicted on the bodies and psyches of women during bad sexual encounters. We can build that language together, if we keep talking to each other about this.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2018
Definitely keep talking. My very limited experiences were similar to your college roommate's - and that really does do a number on one's self-esteem. And leave's one open to "sex by extortion" - not exactly rape, but not exactly not either.— bfitzinAR (@bfitzinAR) January 16, 2018
This, A guy I briefly dated literally never cared about getting me off. He couldn’t understand that I wanted things done to me to get me off. He called me demanding and that’s when I left. It’s sad because I stood for a while after because I did like him— concentida (@lorearacelis) January 16, 2018
I am finally beginning to believe that asking for what I want and need doesn’t make me “difficult.” It may, however, mean the person in question is not a match for me. Took me long enough to come around to this.— jerimi (@jerimi) January 16, 2018
This thread is really important and required reading. It’s hard to think about how the sex you’ve had may have harmed you, and its equally hard to think about how the sex you’ve had may have harmed others. But gardens start by digging in the dirt. Thank you @iSmashFizzle https://t.co/ec1ZW5wbMM— T.H. Ponders (@thponders) January 16, 2018
This is why it's so incredibly important that we teach sex ed with a sex positive attitude and talk about pleasure in those conversations! So many girls I know only really have sex with boyfriends for their boyfriend's enjoyment and not their own 🙁— Milly Evans (@millyelizabethe) January 16, 2018
Pop visual media, including but not limited to porn, has miseducated both men and women. Instant-arousal, automatic sex scenarios are the norm in them, creating an unrealistic expectation of the same in life. Women who don't respond like that often feel too ashamed to say.— Aviarian (@aviarian) January 16, 2018
We're not warring with each other. We're revealing ourselves to each other & that is bound to get messy & uncomfortable. It's okay to feel those things. Just don't. stop. talking. about it. Don't give up on the conversation because it's hard or you feel ashamed. You're not alone.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2018