Beyoncé's Piercer Is Sick Of You Judging His Gauges

"The other night I was out to dinner and a girl walks up, drunk, and asks: 'Can I put my finger through your ear?'" celeb piercer Brian Keith Thompson told R29. "I said, 'Please don't', and then she licks her hand and shoves her finger in my ear."

Of all the visible piercings that one could get, stretched ears adorned with gauges tend to be the rarest is 2017 — and therefore garner the most painfully-obvious stares. As you might expect, especially after reading what Thompson deals with, that's just the beginning.

Unfortunately, this isn't exactly a rare occurrence for the celeb piercer, who works with Beyoncé, Scarlett Johansson, FKA Twigs, and many more Hollywood A-listers. "I've had girls come up to me at bars and stick their tongues through my ears or start fingering my ears," Thompson continues, "You're a constant target." (Ironic fact of the day: Thompson first got gauges years ago to impress girls.)

Thompson attributes the constant attention to the fact that ear stretching and gauges have fallen out of vogue as of late — but those that jumped on board years back are still very devoted. Just don't call it a failing trend: "King Tut had stretched ears, Native Americans, too, and a lot of the Aztecs," Thompson tells us. "In ancient history it was actually quite common." (He's right, even Buddha is believed to have had stretched lobes; now it's been popularised in the music world by the ears of Lil Wayne, Adam Lambert, and Gym Class Hero's Travie McCoy.)

We chatted with Thompson about gauges at his L.A. tattoo and piercing studio, Body Electric, with one thing on our mind: What questions are people with gauges totally sick and tired of hearing? His answers, below.

Question #1: Do Those Hurt?
“I tell people, they only hurt when I look in the mirror,” the L.A.-based piercing pro told us. They did, however hurt a great deal while he stretched them, which took six years. "The stretching was painful," he says, "But it was way more painful for my mom than it was for me. It was, by far, my mom's least favorite thing that I did."

Question #2: What Will They Look Like In 40 Years?
Thompson's answer to this one is simple: Who the heck knows — or cares? Thompson tells us when he's 80-years-old, the shape of his ears probably won't be his primary concern, so maybe it would be nice to stop asking, okay? Great, let's move on.

Question #3: How Big Are Those?
"That's just — c'mon, you never ask a gentleman how big his gauges are," he says. Noted, we won't talk size.

Question #4: How Do You Sleep?
"I lay my head on the pillow, I close my eyes, and I think of something happy and pretty — that's how I go to sleep," he jokes. But in reality, Thompson tells us that he takes his earring out before be goes it sleep, as most of us do.

Question #5: How Long Did That Take?
This one is more understandable, he says, because people really do want to know. However, Thompson notes that it's all about how you ask. Instead of saying 'Woah, how long did that take?' try starting with a compliment. Suggested inquires include:

1. "Your ears are really unique, did that take a long time to achieve?"
2. "Cool ears, man, did it take a long time to stretch them?"
3. "I love your vibes, how long did it take to stretch your ears?"

A smile helps, too.

Our takeaway? Keep it light and fun when chatting with a guy or girl about any interesting ear accessory — and you might get a joke in return. “You know what they say about guys with big ears," Thompson adds. "We wear really large earrings."