This Is What Every Type Of Guy On Bumble Smells Like

Illustrated by Bill Rebholz.
There are endless things we'd like to pre-screen our Bumble dates for. What's their voting record? Are they rude to wait staff? Do they ask to kiss you instead of just kissing you (because ick)? But, sigh, finding out the answers to these questions requires putting on pants, getting an Uber, and trying not to mention that you stalked their ex's dog's Instagram account an hour earlier.
There is one thing you can go in knowing, however: what they're gonna smell like. How? I mean, I don't like to stereotype, but as a straight, cisgender twenty-something woman suffering dating in NYC who also happens to be a beauty editor, I have a pretty good grasp on the colognes worn by the seven prototypes of dudes on apps. Ahead, the totally non-scientific guide to what you're going to be getting a whiff of on your date.