Last week, I was ecstatic to watch Issa (Issa Rae) officially pass her hoe certification exam, but after witnessing last night’s episode it is safe to say she ain’t built for this life. An ugly monster called Feelings is starting to rear its ugly head and it ain’t cute for Issa nor Molly (Yvonne Orji). Let’s get caught up.
The episode opens with a friendly reminder of why it’s illegal to hold a cellphone or any other mobile device while driving. It is far too easy to end up in a fender bender swiping right or left. As Issa moves her damaged vehicle to comply with L.A.’s alternative side parking regulations (a moment all too familiar for those who grew up in a major metropolitan city) a neighbour reminds her that her bumper is about to fall off. No shit Sherlock.
Molly starts the episode in the Los Angeles office of her law firm. She receives a phone call from Dro (Saruna J. Jackson), who is doing his best to keep things as normal as possible. He even attempts to make a joke, but things get awkward. Molly jumps in for the kill whispering, “So am I the only one tripping that we had sex?” As if lowering the tone of her voice will change (or rationalise) the fact that she made a trash-ass decision. Her mom calls and she says she has to take it. However, she ends up sending her mom to voicemail. It’s obvious Molly is still processing what happened with Dro. Shit, I’m still processing what happened with Dro.
After making a trash-ass decision to operate a mobile device while driving, Issa is now bus bound. As she walks home, she texts Daniel (Y’lan Noel) to see what he’s up to. He receives the text. He reads. We watch the three little pesky grey bubbles, which indicate typing, pop up to only disappear to show he had stopped writing. Those three annoying dots are quite possibly either your most important source of hope or the ultimate disappointment. For Issa it was the latter. Issa checks her email and stumbles upon an event called a “Sexplosion.” She whispers, “I could use a sexplosion." (Me too, girl, me too.) Issa peeks out the window, and notices Neighbour Bae’s lights are still on, and she decides to pop up on him. Major no-no. She gets cute, gives herself an inspiring pep talk that even gets me excited, puts on a red lippie, and knocks on his door.
It’s obvious Neighbour Bae is taken aback, when we hear another female’s voice. Things get awkward, and it’s almost too uncomfortable to watch. I’m embarrassed for Issa. Ladies, unless he’s your man, popping up unannounced is a definite no-no. Nonetheless, in a real hoe phase, catching feelings about the other person actively playing the field is for the birds. Sign 1,001 Issa ain’t built for this hoe life. After that epic embarrassment, Issa receives a benign response from Daniel, which only tops off the night’s humiliation.
We finally see Lawrence (Jay Ellis), who is making a pitch about an app to his colleagues and bosses, Cameron and Tim. They shower him with compliments, point out how dope his shoe game is, and for a moment we see Lawrence outside of his fuckboy ways serving a little Black boy magic. His self-esteem and ego seems intact. But that doesn’t last long.
Meanwhile, Issa and Molly are at the auto repair shop awaiting an estimated cost of Issa’s car damages. Molly is reassessing her sexcapade with Dro, and opts to end things and just be “homies.” We all know the dick was too good, so I’ll believe it when I see it. In the midst of Molly’s vent, the mechanic finally emerges and drops a bomb on Issa. Her financial damage: $5,500. I bet she regrets not complying to California state laws now, huh?! Car issues ain’t Issa’s only problem. As Molly gives her BFF a ride, Issa is lamenting her hoetation. She ponders out loud, “Why do these niggas even need to fuck anybody else?” Me: Because that’s literally what the hoe life is about, fucking other people. DUH! Reason 1,002 that the hoe life ain’t for Issa. To keep it all the way funky, Issa doesn’t seem to have a hoetation. She is simply part of other people’s hoetation. *Sips tea.*
Back at Lawrence’s office, he’s still on a natural high from his presentation, but his bubble is about to burst. Lawrence asks his coworker, “What do you think I should tweak before my next step?” She responds, “Your expectations.” As she makes a valid argument, pointing out that if the bosses really loved his presentation, they would have asked questions and scheduled a follow-up, but instead, they gave him a mediocre “well done” and sent him on his merry way. It’s obvious his fragile male ego cannot handle constructive criticism (per usual).
Molly meets Dro at the sports bar, and she is clearly still bothered. She thinks their relationship has changed, and it has, because she’s back for seconds. I’m not surprised. I’m trash and in my past hoe life I too would have returned for seconds. *Kanye shrugs* But this is not about me it’s about Molly. We watch Molly and Dro pillow talk in bed, as she considers being part of Dro’s open marriage. We also get a little more deets about Dro’s open marriage, as he reveals it was actually his wife’s idea. I must admit, I love how Insecure is normalising the idea of a woman owning her sexuality and creating her own rules, unconstrained by society's conventions.
Issa is at home looking fine AF, when she receives a knock at her door. She opens the door and it’s the new guy Nico. He compliments her outfit, which consists of her cleavage hanging out and a barely-there denim skirt. It’s clear that Issa just wants to get pinned down, as she aggressively grabs his face and starts kissing him. However, Nico insists on dinner. Issa, who is now pissed AF, turns down dinner. Issa, what is you doing baby? Who turns down a free meal with a handsome man? But, I’ll digress.
A little more than halfway through the episode, the girls all go to the Sexplosion, where sex-positivity is at the top of the agenda. Tiffany (Amanda Seales) signs the girls up for a blow job tutorial, while boasting about her “stellar” skills. Conversely, Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) reveals she no longer takes part in the act, after too many smelly encounters. Issa rants about not being a fan of oral sex. Both Tiffany and I don’t quite understand some Black women and their oral sex hang-ups. I’m with Tiffany on this one. There is something quite empowering about having a man’s most sensitive piece of organ under my control. To hear and feel his reactions from that incredibly intimate contact is both a bonding experience and super sexy, at least for me. The fact that we inherently degrade the act without considering context, kind of drives me up the wall. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. Don’t do it. But also, don’t shame others for enjoying the act. Claiming your desires is empowering. As always, keep in mind that sexual empowerment doesn’t entail a decree of acceptable positions and fetishes.
Issa finally meets up with Daniel at his place. After a sip of sparkling wine, with a shot of whiskey (for the record that is my fave concoction, and my phone literally would not stop blowing up after this scene), Issa decides to take a page out of Tiffany’s book and drops down to her knees. Daniel is clearly enjoying Issa’s enthusiastic performance, and then the unexpected happens. He ejaculates in her face, leaving leftover residue in Issa’s eye. Yes, you read that correctly. Her Goddamn eye. She’s pissed off at him. All while I’m thinking, girl why didn’t you bob and weave. Someone needs to teach Issa oral sex etiquette.
Moral of last night’s episode:
I hope Issa kept her receipts, because it’s time she returns the hoe life.
She did not choose this life, the life chose her, and she’s failing at it.
Molly is already dickmitised.
I’m not even mad at Issa and Molly for their trash-ass decisions because a hoetation (hoe phase) is about trash-ass decisions (with a condom of course). What I am really mad about is all this unnecessary catching feelings. The hoe life is about catching nothing but perpetual orgasms.
Oh, and Lawrence is going to screw his co-worker.
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