I'm not even going to pretend that I understand the world of online dating. Between all of the various sites, which all seem to offer their own brand of intrusiveness — seriously, people are cool with disclosing their credit scores before they even meet? — and the number of gag-worthy pickup lines that get tossed around on a daily basis, the entire process seems like more effort than it's worth.
However, I totally understand why it's so popular. Finding a partner, whether for a hookup or a long-term relationship, can be a hard and incredibly vulnerable experience. Not only do you have to be cool with possible rejection, but you also have to put yourself out there, allowing people to see your best and your not-so-desirable traits.
So, when I first learned about ShouldYouDateNate.com, a website designed by a man looking for some companionship, I thought, "Good for him, he's really laying it all out to find love." Then, I actually read his site.
Not one for small talk, Nate takes his time trying to lure his reader in for more by saying things like:
"If you're interested in meeting someone who truly values you for YOU, loves to listen, and cherishes living life to the fullest just as much as you…then this might be one of the most intriguing letters you ever read. In fact, if you’re open to an exciting, fulfilling, love affair (with the right guy) then this letter might change your life."
I need to clarify that I did not italicise those last three words for emphasis; he did.
As The Cut points out, Nate's expectations are B-A-N-A-N-A-S, and his ad is "unfortunately...more of an argument for celibacy and dying alone." That may sound harsh, but just wait until you take a look at some of the things Nate wrote to sell himself.
Before he even gets to his positive attributes, Nate straight up says: "I’ll give you three reasons why I’m seriously not the guy for you. One of them might actually offend you."
The reasons? He works ALL THE TIME, he's an introvert who isn't down with most social media, and he "abhor[s] the stuff 95% of the population obsesses over." His words on that one.
Nate's a supplement guy who's dedicated his life to slinging nutritional pills and powders that have not been approved by what he deems to be the "inept, deplorable, and useless" FDA all over the country. He's making ads, he's networking, he's getting chewed out by legal, and he's giving his team a shit-ton of work. To top it all off, he's trying to show how great of a person he is by starting a charity.
Nate doesn't do sports or parties. He's not down with romantic nights cooking dinner. Nate is all business, all the time, except for when he's reflecting on his life or staring out at the Denver skyline from his apartment.
So, what kind of a lady is Nate looking to meet?
Aside from someone who is down with all of the above, he's looking for "someone who is intelligent, healthy, happy, ambitious, spiritual, and has a good sense of humour" between 22 and 35. She also needs "a slender, healthy body, a reasonably slim waist, and a very pretty face."
Oh, Nate is also a libertarian and posted a video about himself, so if you wanted to learn more, you could; but, I'm warning you, once you dive down that rabbit hole, you may never come out the same.
Twitter caught wind of Nate's site, and as expected, dragged him through the mud and over shards of broken glass before rolling him in a mound of salt.
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