So much has happened since the Keeping Up With The Kardashians finale in November. The Paris robbery. Kanye's hospitalisation. The show's trailer teased all of those things for Season 13, but exactly none of them are in the premiere.
First, we need to deal with Dash. Remember Dash? It's been a long time since we've spent any time in the retail stores. The episode starts with a trip to the New York location. Kourtney and Jonathan Cheban are not impressed. Cheban suggests the whole thing needs a rebrand. Kourtney reminisces about the good old days. "Remember when we had lines," she says. "We need to evolve." She calls Kim to clue her in. "It's so 2009. I don't even have the words to explain." They make a plan to visit the Miami store when the whole gang arrives in Florida.
Khloé and Kourtney are the first to rendezvous in Miami. Both are excited to be back in their old stomping grounds. Kourtney is also fresh from a marathon visit to Disney World with Scott and the kids, so she's looking to enjoy some quality downtime. Without Scott. The more things change with Kourtney and Scott the more they stay the same. Kourtney is fine with their roles as co-parents, but it gets complicated in social situations after years of feeling responsible for keeping Disick out of trouble. "If we're doing thing socially, I just don't know how to act," she says.
The breaking news (if the show is the only place you get your Kardashians news, and that can't possibly be true) is Khloé's boyfriend, Tristan Thompson. She comes to Miami straight from a vacation in Mexico with Thompson. She tells Kourtney she's trying to keep the relationship quiet, especially from Kim. "We're an intense family," she says, understating the obvious. Kim is all over it, even before she arrives in Miami. She has a thousand questions for Khloé, but the youngest Kardashian sister isn't giving in that easy. "We all know not to tell Kim anything unless you want to tell her every last detail," Khloé says.
Kim has some big news of her own: a department store wants to buy them out of Dash and put Dash stores inside the department stores. Kim is all in with this idea, and Khloé loves it, too. Kourtney? Not so much. She cares about the stores and wants to ramp up the buying. She gets her sisters to agree to at least hold off the discussion until they visit the store.
Speaking of shopping, Khloé goes on a Saint Pablo Tour merchandise spending spree. Kim presses her on why she has so many men's shirts in double and triple XL. Khloé still won't say. Kim's curiosity proves Khloé's point. "When I'm ready, I'll tell you," Khloé says in her interview segment.
The visit to Dash Miami goes about as well as the one to New York, only this time Kourtney is doing her best to look on the bright side. "There is no way to salvage any of this; its horrible," Kim says. She and Khloé are more convinced than before that selling out is the right plan. "The store is really past putting any money into it," Kim says. The irony of this situation of selling a store that they acknowledge isn't current and doesn't represent who they are now so that it can be expanded nationally seems to sail right past them all.
Khloé asks Kourtney if she wants to take over Dash on her own. Kourtney tries to be upbeat. "We're making moves. I'm about to do a big revamp," she says. Khloé dismisses her and tells her to get over it. They're selling the stores.
The next day, Kourtney goes to Kim to talk to her directly about Dash. She explains that the stores have a big sentimental value for her. They are something that the three sisters built after their father died. It gave them something to do together. Kim finally gets it, even though she still thinks Kourtney should be open to other options.
The Scott issue comes up again. He wasn't at the birthday dinner for Stephanie, Kim's assistant, the night before and now he has texted Kim that he's not going to Kanye's concert. "He doesn't want to step on your toes," Kim tells Kourtney. Kourtney explains that sometimes she can't breathe when Scott is there, but she can try and work on that. She and Kim call Scott. "I didn't want to rain on your parade," Scott tells Kourtney. But he'd love to go to the concert with everyone else. (Good thing, too. They run into Fat Joe who says that Scott is an honorary member of the Terror Squad.)
Khloé makes arrangements for Thompson and some of his friends to come to the concert with them. Kim is thrilled the cat is out of the bag and, just as Khloé predicted, Kim can't wait to tell Jonathan all about it.
Kim is a Saint Pablo tour super fan, which should make for some interesting moments in the episodes to follow. But, now, here in Miami these were the salad days before Paris and before Kanye's issues. It was, indeed, like one big house party, just as Kim says.
Back in California, Scott and Kourtney have an awkward conversation about their awkward social interactions. "Is there a solution to this?" Scott asks. Kourtney shrugs. "I don't know," she says. "I don't think we need to do everything 24/7." Problem solved? Who knows, but Kourtney is happy they had the conversation, because, "Communicating is clearly not the thing we're best at together."
The Dash deal is still unresolved. Kourtney, Kim, and Khloé meet with their mom at Khloé's house to catch up. Kim champions Kourtney's argument that the stores have sentimental value. But she also sees the value of the deal on the table. Her suggestion is to close New York, but keep Miami open. This decision perks Kourtney right up. She even looks up from her phone for a second.
The robbery in Paris is on deck for next week. The closing moments of this week's episode included a peek at Kim detailing the harrowing events. Watch the clip below.