Your Halloweekend Horoscope Is Here

Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Halloween #FTW! The planets are conspiring on behalf of All Hallows' Eve with a horoscopic lineup so hauntingly ideal, we're already breaking out our broomsticks for a test flight. Yes, it's also pretty annoying that October 31 falls on a Monday. But the weekend's stars kick vampire ass, guaranteeing pre-funks galore. From Saturday night through the 31st, the sun, moon, and social Mercury will simmer in Scorpio, lending seductive and spooky vibes that could verge on legendary. On Sunday, there will even be a re-energising new moon in Scorpio, waking us up like sleeping werewolves. If you crashed early on Saturday night, there won't be a repeat of that apple-bobbing fail — Monday-morning meetings, be damned.

Scorpio energy can be intense. This is the sign that rules money, sex, power, and vengeance, after all — and this cosmic cauldron could serve up a strong brew of emotion. But hey, instead of acting out a revenge fantasy, how about cosplaying it out? And after weeks of all the Trump-fuelled rape-culture headlines, this Halloween's Scorpionic allure offers a unique, political opportunity for women to grab back sexual power with the might of 10,000 SlutWalks. Paging Amber Rose! Wear the fishnets, corsets, lingerie, and over-the-knee-boots if you damn well please. Your costume, your body, your choice!