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Why We're Obsessed With Love Island

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Courtesy of ITV.
I stumbled upon Love Island while flicking between Al Jazeera and BBC Four late one evening; my subsequent love affair was a happy accident. Okay, not quite. After being tirelessly recommended the show by my colleagues, boyfriend, friends, neighbours and pretty much anyone and everyone who knows me and my low-rent TV taste, I nestled into watch a fortnight ago, admittedly late to the party. But my god, what a party.

The premise of the show – if I’m correct as the plot or point is pretty nebulous – is that a bunch of ridiculously tanned and exceptionally dim-witted young people are thrown together into a super glam (read super tacky) villa in Magaluf, the cultural capital of the world. They then ‘Couple Up’ and any unlucky singletons are quickly whittled off by a brutal voting system. If you’re deemed unanimously unattractive, you’re out. So far, so simple.

Add into the mix a constant stream of new hunks and honeys entering the house to woo individuals in existing couples and you’ve got yourself a stellar show. Think Big Brother (but only after it moved to Channel 5 and became populated with fame-hungry, inflatable Barbies and Kens) meets Take Me Out meets Ex On the Beach. It’s no Tolstoy. You’ll be almost deafened by the sound of your brain cells imploding one-by-one while you watch, but it’s certainly worth it for the scintillating scandal, one-liners, study on social behaviour (just kidding) and most importantly the bed-hopping and swapping. N.B. There’s a lot of shagging going on above and below the sheets so don’t watch with your parents or prudes. The winning couple share a £50,000 cash prize, dependent on whether they both choose love rather than money. Got it? Me neither.

So as the Love Island finale looms, airing on Monday 11th July at 9pm – hooray! There’s still time to tune in for any latecomers – what is it about the show that has captivated the nation?

It’s On Every Night
Like a comfort blanket (an incredibly stained blanket that’s seen a lot of activity), Love Island is there for us every evening and we’ve grown to love the contestants almost more than our own friends and family. Socialising on a week night is no longer viable as we’re more keen on tuning in on the trials and tribulations of these five-week old showmances.

Adam’s Metaphors
For all the haters who criticise Love Island for its lack of intellectual stimulation, you can’t have been paying proper attention to Adam Maxted and his remarkable metaphors. Despite not being able to find love in the casa, he's won our hearts with his pithy comments. In some of his finest poetic comparisons he has likened the female contestants to Haribo and drawn parallels between wooing them with playing a games console and trying to pick a good DVD. And they say romance is dead.

Everyone mugs everyone off

If you’ve watched TOWIE you’re probably familiar with the term ‘muggy’ and the phrase ‘mugging me off’. To the uninitiated, Urban Dictionary explains that “To be mugged off/ getting mugged off by someone is similar to being purposefully offended to the point where it causes the mug off'ee to feel uncomfortable or shocked.” In other words, to mug someone off is to make a bloody fool of them and there’s a lot of muggy behaviour going on in the house. So much so that one of our highlights of the series so far was the game “Mugged Off” in which some of the contestants' private conversations where read out while the rest of the group had to guess whose secret was whose. After guessing who was being mugged off, a mug of tea was chucked over the muggee. TV gold.

Adam 2.0’s Outfit and Inflated Self-Worth

Relative newbie Adam Jukes, is no oil painting but he’s convinced he is and that he can talk any girl into bed. On top of his charm and dashing looks (ahem), he also has arguably the worst dress sense we’ve ever seen. While the rest of the Islanders stroll around in bikinis and shorts and little else, come rain or shine, dapper Adam insists on wearing pink blazers, white chinos and pocket squares. Add to that rippling curtains that Ben A1 would be proud of and we can’t understand why he’s yet to find love. Never trust a man in a black shirt.

The Evil Producers/Puppeteers
The morally corrupt manipulation of events in the house by the producers is nothing short of genius such as the re-entry of Malin into the villa after Tezza had swiftly moved on with Emma, the random eliminations (the horror when Tom was separated from Sophie!) and the argument-inducing games.


The Soundtrack
From Sam Smith covers building up to a climatic crescendo during a lovers' tiff to "Love The Way You Lie" playing during the fallout between Olivia and Alex, after his supposed mendacity, the music accompanying the show truly enhances the experience.

Tattooed Tel <3
The indisputably sexist show centres on the objectification of women as a group of horny men select a girl each week who they’d like to share a bed with. At this point, I think it's only fair to take a moment to objectify Terry. He’s magnificently dense, moved on from Malin quicker than you can say “STD” and claims to have slept with 500 women. But that hasn’t put us off from finding him obscenely handsome – oily Peter Andre Locks, wretched full-body ink and vacant grin included.

The Love Island App
If you weren't satiated by the show alone there's an app too and I'm not ashamed to say I'm using up precious phone storage to have it. If you didn't vote in the EU referendum shame on you, but the app allows you to get more votes when it comes to evicting Islanders. Get downloading!
Nathan’s Philosophical Insight
Where to begin with pocket-size Nathan... The tiny chappy is one of our favourite contestants thanks to his sparkling conversation and profound statements. He may be a carpenter but he's not the sharpest tool in the box. Here are just two wonderful things he's said:

"I don't really like sitting down and chatting, I'm more of a hands-on person."

"I did once pull a woman in her late 50s. I was in Bournemouth, and there was this hen party, and this woman wouldn't leave us alone. I said I'd take one for the team, got a massive cheer, and took her home for the best two minutes of her life."
Nathan and Cara’s Unparalleled Love
Actions speak louder than words (especially in the case of this bright bunch) and circus performer Cara De La Hoyde and Nathan Massey's love has been in it to win it from the start. The star-crossed lovers coupled up in the first episode and have overcome the greatest hardships together, including a lie-detector test, Cara's clinginess and countless heated arguments. We ship Cathan. Cathan to win!

Love Island concludes on Monday 11th July at 9pm on ITV2.
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