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Hiddleswift Is One Big Song Promotion — A Theory

Photo: Jim Smeal/REX/Shutterstock.
Hey, have y'all heard that Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are a thing now? They've been jet-setting all over the world just flaunting their picture-perfect romance.

I'll admit, at first I thought that Swift and Hiddleston were using each other as PR props. But it didn't really make sense.

Swift is surely famous enough on her own, and even Hiddleston isn't unknown in the slightest. Many of Swift's fans were also anticipating the singer's single life, and all the girl-power encouragement that would be thrown their way. But instead, she started dating again. Like, immediately after breaking up with Calvin Harris, which is just a bit out of character for the diehard romantic.

The only evidence of Swift and Hiddleston initiating a relationship was their Met Gala "dance-off," which later led to him gushing over Swift in the press. Let's think about that. How many celebrities hang out together and have one-off, goofy moments with each other? All of them. How many immediately agree to do interviews about it? None. It's weird.

Also — why are they so out in the open? All. The. Time. Why isn't Swift posting any pictures of herself on social media? She loves updating her fans with pictures. This is so very unlike her.

So, I present you with my strongest theory yet on why Hiddleswift exists: It's all for a love song.

I would not be surprised if all this were for a new T. Swizzle production, a.k.a. a music video, starring Swift and Hiddleston. Maybe it's not fake; maybe it's completely brilliant.

And the plotline feels on brand for Swift, who seems to use movie settings as inspiration for many of her videos. She gave us the Sin City-esque "Bad Blood," the Narnia journey "Out of the Woods," and the rockumentary-style "New Romantics." And now, she's giving us The Talented Mr. Ripley 2.0 with "Undisclosed Name of New Single That Surely Exists."

The queen of relationships — and breakups — is no doubt flipping the switch on the popular media's obsession with her dating life. We are so consumed with celebrity dating culture, it's hard to realise when something is way too cookie-cutter to be true.

Below is all the evidence that will no doubt convince you of my bullet-proof theory. Alternately, this list could also be titled, "Behind-the-Scenes of Taylor Swift's New Music Video."

I just wonder what the single will be called.

Exhibit A — Their over-the-top debut. This is a great opening scene for a music video all about a famous couple falling in love abruptly and then having to deal with the paparazzi and 'shipping that comes with it. Right? Right.

Exhibit B — The constant matching and relatable All-American outfits.

Exhibit C — Their honeymoonish behaviour in Rome.

Exhibit D — This sly facial expression, like she knows she's fooling us all.

Exhibit E — Why are they always seated in front of a window?

Exhibit F — This awkward photo of the two of them taking Hiddleston's mum out for a walk.

Exhibit G — They took her out for another walk, this time surrounded by nature and rocks — part of the video aesthetic, and their THIRD beach trip together in a month.
Exhibit H — She always looks right into the camera.

Exhibit I — A lot of people agree.

Exhibit J
— In recent memory, no celebrity "couple" has looked so overly manufactured. And, in light of all the fairy-tale aspects of the relationship, the two still seem boring. As if they're acting...from...a script...

It's a love story, baby, just say yesss — to all the paparazzi photos, constant documentation, and a matching wardrobe. Apparently Swift is into performance art now. Thanks for the inspo, 'Ye.

Who knows? It's just a theory. (But I see you, Swift.)